You’re in a meeting. So are they. Over there. Lurking. They’re disagreeing with your points. What a surprise. While their points might be valid, the red mist is descending, you’re not listening anymore. This is just SO damn hard. But why?

‘because I don’t like them’

We have all met someone we just don’t like. It can be for a variety of different reasons. It might be their personality, the way they behave at work, or a quirky thing about them that made you cry out internally ‘that’s an immediate no from me!’

Whether you are in your job, the school gates or meeting new neighbours you’re most likely going to run into people you don’t like. It’s a fact of life that we all need to learn to live with.

What we suggest is adding to your personal toolkit some skills to help you survive when you cannot simply escape.

We’d like to share 5 tips with you that we think can help you learn to like (or at least tolerate discretely) someone you don’t like.

1. Don’t let your dislike become your disrespect

Just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean you have a right to disrespect them.

Unfortunately this happens a lot, from even the most mild mannered people. Dislike can cause us to irrationally write someone off and our brains look for reasons to do this more. When we see them we begin to create a picture of someone who can do no right, and who has no redeeming features…and this can cause respect to be lost.

We suggest spotting this one early and nipping it in the bud. Learn to apply a game face and show respect at all times, even if just for the fact that it reflects well on you as an individual and a professional.

2. Get into their shoes

No literally, obviously. Try to force a new persective. What does this look and feel like from their side of the fence?

It’s really easy to dislike people we don’t understand because out instincts from thousands of years ago tell us to distrust what we don’t know.

We want you to try developing empathy for this person and how they behave. This doesn’t mean you now have to agree with everything they say and do, but it should help you to disagree well, and focus on the point in hand, not the individual. We constantly remind our clients during our BRAVE program of 2 key points.

1. Disagreement is not dislike and 2. Debate the idea, not the person.

3. Keep the right amount of distance

This one seems simple but often gets forgotten. If you don’t like someone then do you best to keep the right amount of professional distance. We say the ‘right amount’ because this is key.

It’s a little like Goldilocks and her porridge temperature. It needs to be just right.

Don’t completely avoid, ignore or blank from your life and vocabulary. It’s too obvious.

Aim for some simple hello’s and how are you’s, in the right meetings and whilst passing in corridors or on virtual screens. Put some thought instead into avoiding situations that are easier to manipulate and don’t make you look bad for not being there instead. Be authentic, be you, be respectful but don’t fake it too much.

4. Let it go, let it go…

As we said already, people dislike others for lots of reasons.

If yours relates to something that person said or did, then we’re sorry, but whilst you work together you’re going to have to be the bigger person and do like Elsa in Frozen and just let it go.

Whilst this might seem completely impossible you have to recognise that having bad feelings towards them will undoubtedly come through in your behaviour towards them, no matter how hard you try not to.

We’re not suggesting you become work best friends and start hair-braiding each other at lunch, but in order to maintain that professional behaviour you need to find a way to forgive what they have done, in order to help you better mask your dislike.

5. Take a reality check

The reality of this situation, playing out in businesses all around the world, is that sometimes, it’s just the way it is. It is very rare for anyone to like everyone. We just need to deal with it.

Using some of the tips we’ve suggested above will help but there’s a part of you that first has to take that reality check and remind yourself that its ok to not like someone, and for them to not like you. It’s just not realistic to expect that to be the case. And yet, when we are at work, it does feel that we are expected to do just that!

We have found that reminding ourselves that no-one, including us, is perfect. It’s a physical impossibility and a myth. Everyone has flaws and everyone has strengths. We’ll often try to think about one of our own flaws, and strengths and then apply it back. If you have them and that’s ok, then it’s ok for ohers to have them too, right?

By trying to accept that, and realising that you may also be disliked by someone at this very moment without even knowing it might help you dial down the dislike for someone else.

Our BRAVE Disagree sessions cover all this, and much much more aiming to provide real change for you and your business. If this has peaked your interest, then please get in touch. We’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever wanted to release your superpowers and let that inner entrepreneur out?

We want to share some of the key skills we think you need to let that tiger out of its cage!

Welcome to the exciting world of entrepreneurship, where creativity, innovation, and a touch of magic come together!

Can you juggle?

As an entrepreneur, you’ll find yourself juggling multiple tasks simultaneously. From managing finances to marketing your product, the ability to multitask is key. But fear not! With a few circus-worthy juggling skills (metaphorically speaking, of course), you’ll have no trouble keeping all those balls in the air. Think planning tools, software, focus and dedication.

Can you network like a Ninja?

Networking is the secret sauce to success in the entrepreneurial world. Whether it’s attending conferences, joining industry events, or even striking up conversations at the local coffee shop, channel your inner social ninja. Master the art of connecting with people, building relationships, and expanding your network. Who knows, your next big opportunity might be just a handshake (physical or virtual) away!

Can you make the magic happen?

In the ever-evolving business landscape, creativity is your superpower. Embrace your inner magician and conjure up innovative ideas that set you apart from the crowd. Think outside the box, push boundaries, and let your imagination run wild. After all, it’s the entrepreneurs with the quirkiest ideas who often make the biggest waves.

Can you get your flex on?

Being an entrepreneur is sometimes like performing a perpetual gymnastics routine. You’ll encounter unexpected twists, turns, and somersaults along the way. The key is to stay flexible and adapt to the ever-changing environment. Be ready to pivot, adjust your strategy, and ace that graceful landing even when the routine changes unexpectedly.

Can you make friends with failure?

Ah, the dreaded F-word! No, not that one. We mean Failure. But fear not, fellow entrepreneurs! Failure is not the end but rather a stepping stone to success. Embrace it, learn from it, and allow it to fuel your determination. Remember, every failure brings you closer to that one glorious victory.

Can you supercharge your own leanring?

The journey of entrepreneurship is a never-ending quest for knowledge. Develop a voracious appetite for learning and keep those brain cells firing. Read books, attend workshops, follow industry trends, and continuously seek new information. The more you know, the more you can grow. At We Are BRAVE we can help you with a course, a module, 121 coaching or even an entire program to super charge your journey.

Can you laugh at yourself?

Last but certainly not least, a good sense of humour is your secret weapon. Laugh off the occasional blunders, find joy in the challenges, and maintain a light-hearted approach to what you are trying to do. A chuckle here and there can help you navigate the ups and downs of entrepreneurship with a smile on your face.

Becoming a modern-day entrepreneur can be a thrilling adventure filled with endless possibilities. Embrace the skills we’ve listed above and store them in your entrepreneurial toolbox. That should leave you well-equipped to conquer the business world and create your own success story.

In our daily lives, we’re constantly faced with numerous decisions, big and small. Some choices are straightforward, while others, particularly in business are complex and require careful consideration.

When you’re confronted with your options, it’s crucial to recognise that making the right decision, rather than settling for the first or easiest one, can pave the way for progress and personal growth. As our saying goes, “All progress begins with a brave decision.” Let’s delve a little deeper into why the path to success with BRAVE lies in choosing wisely.

Quality Over Ease

Often, the initial decision that comes to mind seems convenient, requiring little effort or contemplation. However, embracing the first or easiest choice doesn’t guarantee the best outcome. In fact, it may lead to missed opportunities and more work later down the line.

“All progress begins with a brave decision.”

Exploring Alternatives

When we take the time to explore alternatives and consider various perspectives, we open ourselves up to a broader range of possibilities. By examining different options and potential outcomes, we gain a deeper understanding of the situation at hand. This process allows us to make informed choices based on reason and logic, rather than impulsivity or convenience. Giving yourself time, to think about your thinking is a powerful aid in decision making.

Challenging Growth

Choosing the right decision often involves stepping outside your comfort zones and confronting uncertainty. It requires bravery to take the path that might seem unfamiliar or challenging. However, it is precisely these brave decisions that change the game. When we embrace difficult choices, we learn valuable lessons, acquire new skills, and develop a resilience that contributes to our progress in the long run.

Avoiding Regret

The consequences of settling for the first or easiest decision can lead to regret down the line. If you make choices solely for convenience, or to avoid disagreement or conflict, you may find yourself wondering “what if” and wishing you had taken a different path. Regret can really hinder your ability to move forward with a decision and achieve your goal. On the other hand, making the right decision, even if it requires more effort or bravery, can bring us a sense of satisfaction and the bonus is your skill level is also increasing.

What we Think

The art of decision-making lies not in the quick and easy options, but in the courage to make the BRAVE choice. By embracing the unknown, exploring alternatives, and challenging our comfort zones, we unlock the potential for progress and personal growth. By Thinking about your Thinking, Speaking Up and Disagreeing Well you’ll be bale to make not just the right decision, but the BRAVE one.

You can talk to us to get an initial understanding of how the team at We Are BRAVE can help you and your teams.

We’d love to hear from you.

Sara

So, what is a conscious thought?

When you become ‘consciously’ aware of something you will notice it and realise it’s happening: this is the definition of a conscious thought.

In our SPEAK programme we share principles to help guide you to success. One of these is Think Consciously, Do It On Purpose.

Here’s a great example of thinking consciously. As a child, when you learn something new like how to ride a bike, you become consciously aware of the process and engage with it. Every time you topple over, scuff the front of your trainers, lose control of the handlebars or fall off and graze your knee you simply get back up and keep going. Why?

Because the thought of being able to gain your freedom, being with your friends on their bikes, cycling with the wind rushing through your hair is so compelling that you persevere through every wobble or fall, you get back up and have another go. You persevere because the outcome will feel great.

Before you know it you are a bike rider, and you hop on without a second thought, free to ride anywhere you like. You build your skills; you go faster and you test your limits.

Skip forward to the future and even if you haven’t ridden a bike for years you can jump on and you suddenly experience an automatic thought process that says ‘I can do this, its familiar, I can ride a bike’.
Your conscious thoughts back then, as a child that engaged in learning a new skill, gave the future you a helpful habit. This skill became so ingrained you’re now on full auto-pilot. You don’t need to think about how you do it, you just do it.

Now it’s time to start that journey and build another habit. This time, with your thinking.

Our programmes help you learn to understand the importance of being aware of your thinking and why when you think consciously and do it on purpose, you’ll get far closer to the results you need.
Imagine the communication and decision-making powers you can implement when you know you’re thinking clearly and with intention.

By using structure and tools, we can help you to challenge your old way of approaching topics and avoid the pitfalls such as group-think and bias. It’s those pitfalls that keep us stuck or at worst, lead us to faulty decision-making. Unlocking your thinking will help you unlock innovation.

When you think differently, new ideas and solutions can take shape.

The great news is we are all capable of doing this. How do we know that? Because it’s the ability to think differently that took you from riding your bike with stabilisers to the moment when you realise you can let go of the handle-bars and shout “look, no hands!”.

What we do know is that learning to spot and be aware of your thoughts requires some attention and discipline but in any situation it will help you to think better. With the same determination you applied as a child eventually thinking consciously and on purpose will become your powerful default setting.

Talk to us to learn more about the 8 principles that are embedded into our BRAVE programme

Healthy disagreement is an important part of any work or personal relationship. And yet, it’s much rarer than you think.

Disagreement often has negative connotations but in fact it’s entirely natural for people to have different perspectives and opinions, and the ability to disagree well is key to resolving conflicts and finding common ground.

One of the most important principles of healthy disagreement is our principle of ‘debating the idea, not the person’. When we engage in a discussion or debate it’s important to focus on the idea being presented rather than attacking or criticising the person presenting them. It’s important to be able to separate the two, to reach the best decision or outcome.  

‘Debate the idea, not the person sharing it’

Instead, we should focus on the merits of the debate itself. This means being curious and listening carefully to what the other person is saying – not something that’s always easy.  Start with asking questions to clarify & understand their position first, then present your perspective clearly and calmly.  Even if we don’t agree with someone else’s position, we can still respect them as a person and engage in a productive disagreement! 

Another important aspect of healthy disagreement is the ability to recognise and address our own biases and assumptions.

We all have our own experiences, beliefs and values that shape how we see the world. It’s important to be aware of these biases and to own how they show up in any disagreement.  By actively engaging with different perspectives and viewpoints we broaden our understanding of the world.

Finally, disagreeing well is about being willing to look for and find common ground.  Broadening our understanding of a situation may mean that whilst we don’t always fully agree with the other person we can find ways to work together and find solutions that meet everyone’s needs.  The very act of engaging with healthy disagreement brings  clarity to where we agree and where we may need to work harder to find a middle ground. 

That clarity creates an opportunity for progress and all progress begins with a BRAVE decision. 

You can learn more about BRAVE, our principles and how we can help healthy disagreement prosper in your business by getting in touch today.

Rhi x

So, first things first, what the hell is a heuristic?

A heuristic is a mental shortcut most commonly used to help us simplify problems and avoid cognitive overload.

Heuristics are an important part of how the human brain is wired, and how it’s evolved, which in turn allows people to quickly reach reasonable decisions or solutions to complex problems.

These mental shortcuts sound amazing right? An easy way to use what you already know to help you work faster? They can be really helpful, but as with many things, there are risks.

Heuristics can often be super helpful for you by:

Helps you get to a conclusion faster

Reduces the mental strain needed to make decisions

Helps you with complex problem-solving

Turns complex questions into simple ones

However, heuristics can also lead to hidden cognitive biases.

As an example, think about the availability heuristic. You’ll be more likely to make a decision based on information that pops into your mind quickly because you have recently been looking at something similar.

Imagine you are reading articles on a regular basis about hostile managers and the damage they cause. This means that your availability heuristic will more easily help you identify this trait in managers at work because the heuristic is helping you get from A to B too fast.

Because of this, it’s important to understand what heuristics you use. Those heuristics could impact your daily decision-making process.

Here’s some of the most commonly used heuristics:

Affect

This is all about how people react to different stimulus and how this affects decision making. It could be any positive or negative feeling they experience at a particular moment and in a specific situation.

Anchoring

In this heuristic people tend to make their judgment based solely on the very first pieces of information they get, often called an “anchor”. Unfortunately the decision is usually made quickly so it may be inaccurate. Impulsive decision-makers forget or ignore other facts, making poorer choices.

Availability

This one we already mentioned. It’s due to our search to reach the best conclusions means we look to the sources that are the most readily available ones.

Representativeness

This makes people evaluate the likelihood of a solution or conclusion to a situation based on a similar past event that acts as representative data. It, thus, provides a reasonable probability of selecting the most effective alternative under uncertainty. You’re simply judging it based on the closest experience you have experienced.

Once you know what these are, and the ones you use the most, you can pause and analyse the effect they are having on your decision-making. This takes some effort because our heuristics feel very comfortable to us. They feel ‘right’ and it can be hard to challenge them.

A way to challenge?

After making a decision, especially a quick one, try to take a step back and consider what other possibilities existed that you didn’t choose. If you had chosen one of them, would the outcome have been different? This helps you internally calibrate if your heuristics are helping you make better decisions (or not)

Making BRAVE decisions

When you work with us we share our BRAVE principles to help you make your decisions in a well-formed and well informed style.

At We Are BRAVE, bear in mind, (pun intended) that we all are proud learning geeks, so when we think Goldilocks, we imagine something very different to most people.

We think about The Zone of Proximal Development. Yep. Really. We know it sounds like something in a Marvel movie.

Learning happens best in the zone of proximal development. This has been defined as the place where learning is still challenging enough to be interesting, but not too challenging that it becomes overwhelming.  It’s within this strangely named zone that the really good learning occurs the most.

Most humans are a little bit like Goldilocks. They don’t want their porridge too hot or too cold. 

What we’re really looking for, is for our porridge to be ‘just right’.

This leads us to the hook. Just right is also how most people like their learning and development.

Studies have shown that when learning or problem solving begins, our clever computer like brains quickly make a judgement call on what’s about to happen. Either, this is going to be too hard – I should abort, or this is going to be easy – I might get bored, therefore it’s time to check out.

At We Are BRAVE we make sure that our learning hits the ‘zone’ and helps the learner say ‘this is pretty interesting, and feels a little challenging, but I’m curious to know more’

Whether it’s our range of development programmes, our flagship BRAVE product or one of the many other solutions we both develop and deliver for our clients, you can be sure that we’ve applied the Goldilocks Test to make sure your experience is one you won’t forget.

What we can’t promise you is a bowl of porridge. Or 3 bears.

If you’d like to learn more about what we do, and how we can help you then get in touch today to start the conversation.

https://wearebrave.co.uk/about-well-prepared-training

From languishing to flourishing.

We talked about this horrible feeling of ‘blah’ way back in 2021, mid pandemic, when it became the coined name for what so many of us were feeling. A miserable mid-point between fed up and down and out depression but you couldn’t quite put your finger on what to call it.

Languishing was the buzzword we needed.

If you still have this feeling hanging over you you’re probably feeling more than a little bit meh.

Muddling through a week? Everything lost its shine? Lost your get up and go?

Maybe you just don’t bounce out of bed like you used to, or you do have energy, but just not in the same way. You know it’s not a feeling of ‘all is lost’ because you don’t feel hopeless, but you might feel like all the fun is being sucked out of stuff and you’ve just lost your general sense of direction.

Organisational Psychologist, Adam Grant called languishing the ‘neglected middle child of mental health’ in his NY Times article. We think that name is just perfect!

So, we spent time thinking about this and decided to focus this article on how to help you move forward from this dreadful fun-removing feeling.

We want to help you flourish.

So, what does it mean to flourish, and how is it different from languishing?

The way we look at it is if languishing is at one end of the road, the other far end is flourishing. When you languish you can feel disinterested, have a loss of focus and feel a little bit disconnected.

At the other end of that road is those who are flourishing and they’re experiencing engagement and joy in what they are doing. Flourishing can be said to feel like a sense of being connected to your life, your day to day and even towards the relationships you have, and the job you do.

When you flourish, you’ve got bags of energy and, more importantly, the will to do something with it. You’ll feel like you have direction and the courage to get on, do it and take ownership of your mental health and how you feel.

We did some research and found Dr. Martin Seligman. His research on flourishing says the best way to move from languish to flourish is using something called the PERMA model. Dr Seligman developed PERMA as an acronym to help him share the elements of what leads to flourishing.

We’ll share one thing we think you can do under each of his research headings, to see if we can help you onto the path of flourishing by cultivating the five PERMA factors in your life:

Use a gratitude diary. You might use a real diary, an app, or simply use the notes on your phone but record one thing a day that you’re grateful for.

We all have something that does it for us. Running each day, a comedy movie, time with family & friends, gardening or getting down to DIY. There is something in all of us that ticks the engage button. Whatever it is, do more of it as it builds your energy, passion and of course your engagement levels.

It’s often easy to let relationships drift when you languish, but in fact we need to reach out more, make contact, make new friends, start new conversations and network. Set yourself the challenge to start one new conversation each week and watch the confidence start to flourish with each interaction.

Make good choices with the work you are doing. We all need purposeful work, so make sure that even if not everything you do contains it, at least one thing each day has a meaning. Try planning for the future too, it’s a sure-fire way to get you to focus on something that is out of the here & now.

Set some small attainable goals, perhaps even using some of the tips we’ve given you above. Make sure to focus on what you have done and reward accomplishments. Rewarding yourself for getting things done helps you move from languish to flourish. The more you do it, the further down the road you move towards the land of flourish-ville.

So, what are you waiting for?

If you liked this article and it’s inspired you to leave languishing behind then share it with others to help them and get out there and start your PERMA actions to change.

At We Are BRAVE we’re full of useful insights that can help you, your teams and your business reach its potential. Get in touch to see what we can do for you.

#bravewins

I’m Alex Manners. I’m proud to be an Asperger’s Champion, a motivational speaker, TV & radio presenter & author. I’m focused, determined and have a lust for life. I consider myself lucky to have Asperger’s because I believe it will be the catalyst that allows me to “pursue my passions” and achieve my dreams!

I present talks on “My Life Living with Asperger’s” to many different companies, law firms, universities, schools and autism groups. I have presented talks to places such as Coca Cola, Linklaters, Viacom, Zurich Insurance and the Autism Shows across the UK. I have also written many articles and had many TV & Radio interviews on my Asperger’s, Presented my own children’s radio show for two years, have started my own “Autism & Football” campaign, appeared on series 10 & 11 of “The Undateables” on Channel 4 and written my own book.

Presenting live talks

Presenting talks in in front of hundreds of people would be daunting for most individuals! My grandma once said that she would not be able to eat for a week if she had to present a live talk. However, I absolutely love presenting talks all about my Asperger’s, whether online or face to face. I am never nervous and like to look upon this ability as one of my ‘Asperger’s Superpowers’.

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was 10 years old and have been presenting talks all about “My Life Living with Asperger’s” for the past three or four years. Before covid hit the UK I had never presented an online talk before. Suddenly that was about to change.

Online v face to face

At first, I found working online a challenge as I missed meeting people, travelling the UK and going on adventures. One of the most difficult things was that I could not see the reactions of people during a talk. I could therefore not gauge how a talk was going until the end. If I am being honest, I was only presenting talks online due to covid so I was in a pretty stressful place anyway.

Now I am presenting nearly all of my talks online and I have grown to love working in this way. Firstly, I can reach lots more people from all over the world. I am not limited to how many people can fit in a room so can essentially speak to as many people as I like. When presenting face to face talks, I can only fit one or maybe two in a day due to the logistics of travel. Now I can present up to five talks a day. I can also work from home, in my own office, in an environment totally suited to my needs.

Travel and public transport

However, the best thing about working online is that I don’t have to travel. Traveling can be the most challenging part about my work. What happens if one of my trains is delayed or what do I do if I lose my ticket. These are just some of the worries I have. Also, lots of people with Asperger’s struggle in busy environment and with certain sounds and smells. So, not having all of these travel worries is fantastic.

My advice

When presenting an online talk, I always make sure that I log in 10-15 minutes early. This gives me time if something goes wrong. I also ensure that I have a spare laptop, phone or device I can use should my main laptop stop working. My biggest worry Is always with the Wi-Fi. Luckily, I have never had a problem with my Wi-Fi yet during a talk. Our neighbours have a different internet provider and they have very kindly agreed that should our Wi-Fi stop working I can always go and work or present a talk in their house. So, having back up plans is really important.

When I am travelling to a venue by train, I always ensure that I get the train before the one I need. It is better to arrive early than be worried about being late! Another thing I always do, is print off any tickets. This is encase I have no Wi-Fi on my phone or my phone runs out of battery. I also print of my directions and times of each train. What I try to do is minimise an many possible problems as I can.

When I am presenting a talk, I always pretend that I am speaking to my parents in the living room. If there is something or someone I am familiar with then I can always focus on them during my talk. I also ensure that I can always see a clock. This helps me to dictate the timings of my talk.

What if you deliver a training session and a delegate has Asperger’s?

When you are speaking to somebody with Asperger’s there are a few things that you can do. Explain things in as much detail as you can, avoid using any idioms, phrases or sarcasm, give them more time to answer a question and don’t worry if they are not giving you any eye contact. Also, if you are asking them questions then closed questions are always better for us than open questions.

Always have a quiet space that the individual can use if they need a short break or if they become a little stressed. Adapting the environment is also very important. So, if they don’t like sitting near a clock due to the ticking noise then allow them to sit further way from the clock. If you know this individual will be present before the training starts, then send them over as much information about the training as you can beforehand. Include the structure of the session and any photos of the room or location. When sending over this information, it may be a good time to ask them about any adjustments that can be made to help them on the day.

Conclusion

Whilst having Asperger’s can be a challenge, it is also something that I look upon as a positive. Being able to start my own business and present talks in front of large audiences is definitely two of those positives or ‘Asperger’s Superpowers’. I never feel nervous speaking in front of large numbers of people and am very brave to be able to share my story to educate and inspire others. I also feel extremely lucky to have been able to manage my Asperger’s over the past 25 years. Because Asperger’s is a lifelong condition it will continue to pose many challenges. But those positive elements are the things I like to focus on every day. If I did not have Asperger’s, then I would not be Alex Manners.

If you want to achieve something in life and have the drive, determination and ‘never give up’ attitude, then I believe you can achieve anything.

Want to learn more about me or Asperger’s?

Grab a copy of my book, “That’s Not Right! My Life Living with Asperger’s” on Amazon in paperback or kindle.

My Website: www.thealexmanners.com